


Stay Alive

by Heckyheck_Icravedeath



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: :(((, Author Is Sleep Deprived, But he has Peter, Depression, Everyone Needs A Hug, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Irondad, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), RIP, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Notes, The Author Regrets Everything, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony misses his family, a little okay, but still, needs all the love, s a d, so it's like, this poor man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 05:16:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18866491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heckyheck_Icravedeath/pseuds/Heckyheck_Icravedeath
Summary: Peter gripped the sheet of paper in his hand and read over the words once.Then twice.Then a third time becausewhat the fuck?





	Stay Alive

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings!! 
> 
> \- Mentions of suicide  
> \- Mentions of blood

Peter gripped the sheet of paper in his hand and read over the words once. 

Then twice. 

Then a third time because _what the fuck?_

It was a _suicide note_ written by _Tony Stark_. 

The writing was messy, but Peter could read every word _crystal_ clear. 

_Dear whoever,_

_I’m sorry. I know that won’t help with anything, but I am sorry._

_I’m a coward, but that’s something that we all have known, right? I hide behind a suit of armour. I hide behind sarcasm and jokes. I use alcohol to escape pain, emotional and physical._

_That’s why I’m here, writing this; I’m in pain and the goddamn alcohol doesn’t help anymore. It does for a few hours, but that’s it. It wears off and then I wake up and feel like shit all over again because I fucked everything up. I fucked up so bad, and I don’t know what to do about it._

_God fucking damnit. I should’ve never gotten to know them. I should’ve never trusted them. Why did I? Am I a fucking dumbass or what? Actually that isn’t even a question because I know that I’m a dumbass. I know that because I literally thought that Steve fucking Rogers would choose me over his butt buddy, Bucky. Good joke, Stark. Real good one. Oh and I also thought that the other Avengers wouldn’t abandon me. Another funny joke._

_I think that at some point someone slapped a note on my back that says “Abandon me!” and so people see it and do as it says._

_Yeah, well, I’ve had enough of that shit. Sooo, it’s time for me to check out._

_I’m done with drowning in pain. I’m done being everyone's dummy that they can just kick around and then leave when they want. I’m done having to take care of myself and watch out for myself. It’s so fucking tiring to have to constantly pick myself up and make myself continue on. I can’t do it anymore. So, I’m not going to._

_Plus, it’s not like the world needs me. I’m just an arrogant billionaire. The world has plenty of those already. What’s losing one going to do? Nothing._

_And it’s not like IronMan is all that great anyway. He’s just like every other superhero out there, so losing him wouldn’t affect anyone or anything. I can promise that._

_Okay, well, this is goodbye. Whoever is reading this letter, I’m sorry for all the shit I’m going to put you through. It’s not my intention. I just want everything to stop. I just want peace for once, and this is the only way that I can get that._

_Please forgive me for this and please don’t cry over me. I don’t deserve those tears. I’m not worth it. I know I’m not._

_Just...I don’t know. Just, don’t waste your life like I did. Don’t be dumb like that._

_Alright, I’ll see you on the other side then._

_\- TS_

Peter wasted _no_ time in bolting to Tony to get the explanation that he needed _right away_. 

He needed to make sure that Tony was _okay_ and not really going to, _you know…_

Peter shook his head, trying to get the thought out of it. He didn’t want to have that image in his head. The image of Tony with an empty bottle of advil next to his pale, nonmoving body. The image of Tony with a razor blade hanging loosely from his hand as blood trickled down his arms and onto the ground around him. The image of Tony with a gun to his head, a hole straight through his temple, a pool of blood around him. The image of Tony with a rope around his neck-

Peter shook his head again. Harder this time. _Don’t think about that_ , he demanded himself as he tugged open the lab door. Though he couldn’t help but think that he was going to find something like _that_ waiting for him when he looked inside. 

Thankfully Tony was alive when Peter glanced into the room. And he seemed to be doing well. He was tinkering with something on his suit, and a small smile was on his lips as he rambled to DUM-E about calculations or whatever he liked to ramble about. Peter didn’t really catch the words because he was too busy letting out a breath of relief. 

Still his expression was one of fear and unease. He knew that some days were better then others and he didn’t know if he could base everything off of what was going on right there in the lab. Tony tended to always be happy in the lab. It could simply be a moment of happiness. Peter needed to know for a _fact_ that Tony wasn’t going to try and do anything. 

So, with a shaky voice, he spoke up. “Uh, Mr. Stark?” Tony looked up and his smile faltered when he caught sight of the look on Peter’s face. 

“Is everything alright, kid?” He asked while setting down his tool. 

“No, not really. I found something.” He raised the paper in his hand. Tony’s face scrunched up in confusion. 

“What is that?” 

Peter couldn’t get the words _“a suicide note that you wrote”_ out of his mouth, so he just silently gave it to Tony instead with his heart hammering in his chest. 

The room was quiet as Tony read the letter and when he finished, he looked pale and a little ashamed. “Where did you find this?” 

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is when the hell you wrote that and if you still feel like that.” 

“Peter,” Tony started, but Peter interrupted. 

“No, there is _no_ avoiding this. Just tell me.” 

“I’m fine. It was nothing-” 

“ _Bullshit!_ It’s a _fucking suicide note_ , Mr. Stark. That’s not _fine_ and that’s not _nothing_.” Peter insisted rather sharply. He was done with the lies like “I’m fine” or “It’s alright, kid.” Clearly it wasn’t, and Peter wasn’t going to stop pressing the matter until Tony talked. 

Tony seemed to know that there was absolutely no way out of it. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “What do you want to know?” 

“When did you write it?” 

“A few weeks after Cap and I fell out.” Tony shot a look at the desk a few feet away. Peter assumed that the infamous flip phone was in one of the drawers. “It hit me hard. It was like losing a part of myself. And then I lost the rest of the team too. Wasn’t a good time. I mean, obviously.” He huffed a laugh that sounded so not like him. Peter hated it beyond words. He ignored it, though. He needed to ask another, more pressing question. 

“Are you....okay? Like now?” He was almost dreading the answer. He didn’t know what he’d do if Tony said that he wasn’t okay. 

“Yeah. I am.” 

“Are you one hundred percent sure about that?” 

“Yes, I’m sure.” 

“Please don’t be just saying that because you know that’s what I want to hear.” Peter felt the tears start to form. “I...I can’t lose you, Mr. Stark. I really can’t.” 

Tony’s expression softened, and he stepped forward to pull Peter into a hug. “You won’t lose me, Peter. Trust me. I’m not going anywhere.” 

Peter sank into the hug and buried his face in Tony’s neck while tears leaked out of his eyes. 

“Hey, don’t cry. I’m okay. It’s all okay.” Tony rubbed circles on Peter’s back to try and get him to stop crying. It didn’t work all that much since all Peter could think about was what life would be like without Tony Stark; his mentor. His father figure. 

“But the...the note...and, and…” Peter trailed off with a sob. He didn’t even know what to say anymore except, _please don’t leave me. I need you more than you know_. 

“Peter. I wrote that because I was alone and I felt helpless. I felt like no one needed me and I felt useless to the world. But then you and I got closer and suddenly I wasn’t alone and I didn’t feel helpless anymore. Suddenly someone needed me, and I wasn’t useless.” He stopped talking for a moment to press a kiss to Peter’s head. “I would _never ever_ leave you. Understand? You mean the _world_ to me, and I would never just throw you away. Plus, I’m getting over the whole ‘Civil War’ thing. It’s in the past, and I can’t change what happened. It’s stupid to just sit here and think only about the fact that I lost family. It’s not the first time and so if I got through it once. I can get through it again. Especially if I have you with me, Underoos.” 

Those words made Peter feel a million times better. 

He knew Tony wouldn’t lie to him about anything _that_ serious. He also knew that Tony always kept his promises and if he promised to stay alive, then he damn sure was going to.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I'm sad and tired and I don't even know anymore. I'm sorry for this- I literally just write shit now and it turns into this. That's um,,I don't really know. But uh, thanks for reading and I love you all<333
> 
> Likes or comments are always appreciated!!


End file.
